Dear Spike,

My new boyfriend and I got together about two months ago, and so far the relationship is great. He’s a werewolf, so I’ve only been through a couple of his changes. Everything went fine, both times. He went out, did whatever it is that werewolves do, and I saw him again a couple nights later.

This is the problem: We don’t really ever talk about him being a werewolf, and I really want to know what happens and what he does when he goes out. I want to know what he looks like in his werewolf form. I love who he is, and I am in that part of the relationship where I want to learn everything about him, know about everything new. And I don’t know if it’s socially okay to ask my boyfriend these sorts of questions.

What do you think?

Wild Women Do

(Traditional German woodcut.)

Dear WWD,

Whether you ask these questions or not depends on what stage you are in your relationship. If the relationship is getting serious and is “moving to the next level,” then yeah, you should be able to ask and have a good conversation about this part of your boyfriend, for three reasons.

First, you should be able to communicate about yourselves with one another if you’re going to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. If you can’t talk about him going out once a month to do whatever, can you communicate about needs, wants, desires, hopes, dreams? What about when life gets hard? Will you be able to talk about that? Yeah, this may not initially be the easiest, most comfortable conversation the first time you have it, but you need to be able to talk about the serious life stuff as well as the fun and easy parts.

Secondly, if this relationship does get really serious, you’re going to be looking to the future and making a lot of decisions as a unified entity. His werewolf nature impacts you and your life together. His werewolf nature will impact any cubs you have together, if that is something you’re both interested in pursuing. There will be a point in your relationship, if you remain together and choose to be life partners or to marry, that you will have to hash out what it means to be with a werewolf who has evidently embraced his werewolf nature.

Finally, if you see any sort of future with this were-guy, you need to have a better sense of his lifestyle and what his werewolf identity means to him for you. What if the were-lifestyle includes aspects you can’t handle or deal with? Better to know now before you really get serious.

Now, I wouldn’t start out with saying, “I want to see you as a werewolf, and tag along next full moon, and know all about your werewolfness!” I’d keep the first conversations lighter than that. I’d suggest expressing to him that since this is an important part of who he is, you’d like to talk about it and understand this part of himself. Ask what it means to him to have this identity. Ask how he embraces it. Has it ever been difficult? Are there challenges? Are there benefits? Does he absolutely love this part of himself? Basically, ask questions that you’d ask any new boyfriend, just gear them in the werewolf direction. As the relationship progresses, the depth of your questions, and hopefully understanding, will grow.

Good luck!

Spike