At the beginning of February, I received the following email:
I’m a middle-aged gentleman who starting dating an incredibly attractive middle aged mother of two adult daughters about six months ago. My new special lady friend and I get along well, and I enjoy her company. I am, however, slightly concerned.
When we first started dating, I inquired about her previous partner. She responded with, “Which one?” As time has gone on, I have gained the impression that she has several ex-husbands, all of whom have passed away. This isn’t necessarily my concern—everyone dies, after all. It has come to light that all of these gentlemen had children who my special lady friend fostered for short periods of time after their father’s died. Unfortunately, it also appears that my lady hasn’t had the best relationships with her step-children. Recently, while I was visiting her for afternoon tea, she received a court summons. All of these step-children have joined together in a lawsuit against my lady.
I asked my lady about the step-children. She said they were all horrible, hateful children who treated her and her own daughters terribly, and that anything she may have done to them was misunderstood and was intended to be protection for herself and her daughters.
I am in excellent health, and expect to live a long time. At the same time, I also have a daughter whom I adore. I do believe my lady, but I have begun to wonder. Maybe she just doesn’t get along with younger people.
Is it essential that my daughter have a warm, close relationship with my love and her daughters?
A Gentleman Wants a Girl
Initially, my response was to be along the following lines:
This isn’t a paranormal romance. Why are you writing to me?
Then, I decided, well… I might as well. It couldn’t hurt anything to answer a mundane relationship question. Besides, I don’t get a lot of queries from men, let alone middle-aged men. It could broaden my demographic.
I decided to send the following reply:
To answer your question, I typically wouldn’t suggest that a step-mother must have a close relationship with her step-children; however, it does make life easier for everyone involved if everyone gets along decently well, or at least makes an effort to.
But I hesitated to post this as the response and continue along, answering the following week’s ParaRom question. Something didn’t seem right. For one thing, it seemed odd that one middle-aged woman might have so many husbands pass away on her. Secondly, that’s a lot of step-children that aren’t getting along with their step-mother. Thirdly, that’s got to be some serious mistreatment if all the step-children can bring an actual lawsuit.
I decided to investigate.
I met with AGWAG to learn more about his special lady friend. And folks, she is something special. She’s hot. Classy. And seriously well-to-do. But that’s not all she is.
I started pouring through court documents and old newspapers. I discovered this woman had been married thirty-two times. Each husband died under mysterious conditions. Each husband was wealthy. And each husband left his entire estate to ASWAG’s special lady friend.
Not only that, but fifty individual step-children are accusing this woman of abuse.
I questioned these children, past neighbors and associates. And then I realized the truth.
This is no plain old step-mother. This chick is THE wicked step-mother. And her daughters are the wicked step-sisters.
Instead of posting a response via tumblr, I met with AGWAG over a nice glass of wine. I gave him what I had found and told him my conclusions, letting him down easily.
Valuing his daughter (and estate) more than his love life, AGWAG broke up with the wicked step-mother the next morning.
We are currently working on setting up protective spells for AGWAG, his daughter, and the ex-step-children who are suing their ex-step-mother in case the wicked step-mother hooks up with a wicked witch.
Of course, I also handed all my research over to the police.
My work on this case is done.
As for you ParaRom readers: I’m back.